OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
