So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
