This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
