I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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