Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
