Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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