His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
