hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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