I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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