He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
