he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
