yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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