I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
