It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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