Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
