Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
