My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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