What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
