im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
