How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
