Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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