Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
