He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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