Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
