Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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