I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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