Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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