TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
