i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
