32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
