In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
