I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
