Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
