you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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