Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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