oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
