Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize