called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
