it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
