please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
