Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
