btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
