if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
