we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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