i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
