I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
