Hey man sorry I got all grabby
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
