im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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