dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
