its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
