I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize