I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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