That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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