there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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