my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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