If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
