Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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