I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
