Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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