i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
