you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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