made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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