You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize