Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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