If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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