her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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