Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
