i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
