I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
