So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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