My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize