i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
