Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
