ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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