Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
