So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am one with the molecules
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
