my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize