we're chasing vodka with high fives
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
