Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
